All the sons and daughters…

Do you have the headspace and the heart space for one more article about gendered violence? Maybe you are wondering what parents and teachers can do.
In his classic song, ‘I Still Call Australia Home’, Peter Allen sings,
“All the sons and daughters spinning ’round the world
Away from their families and friends
Ah, but as the world gets older and colder
It’s good to know where your journey ends.”
The words capture a universal longing for safety, connection and belonging that resonates deeply with the responsibilities of families and educators to protect our young people from being victims or perpetrators of gendered violence. But what can teachers and parents do?
A recent spate of deaths of women has prompted plenty of media and political conversation around gendered violence. Women’s safety campaigners reported a week ago that, at the time of writing, 26 women had tragically lost their lives this year to what is described as gender-based violence – an increase of 12 from this time last year. I believe that number has since increased. Large rallies held around the nation in recent weeks attest to the level of community concern that exists around the issue and that concern is well justified. These statistics are not just numbers; they represent lives lost, families shattered, and communities in mourning.
As is so often the case, fingers are being pointed in all sorts of directions – the failings of the criminal justice system, inadequate police procedures, the impact of media (particularly social media and certain types of influencers), the influence of pornography, the general failings of culture and sometimes at men in general. Some of these accusations are well-founded while others tend towards hyperbole. Federal Attorney-General Mark Dreyfus called for men to “step up” as thousands of Australians took to the streets to demand an end to gendered violence. Prime Minister Anthony Albanese told attendees at a march in Canberra that his government “must do better”, adding violence is “a problem of our entire society” and it requires men to change their behaviour. “We need to change the culture. We need to change attitudes. We need to change the legal system. We need to change the approach by all governments because it’s not enough to support victims. We need to focus on the perpetrators and focus on prevention,” he said.
So, what role do schools and families play in all this? Some things are obvious. Certain behaviours are simply not tolerated. To quote from our school’s Bullying and Harassment Prevention Policy, “St Paul’s Anglican Grammar School rejects all forms of bullying and harassment. It is not acceptable for any members of the school community (students, teaching and non-teaching staff, parents and visitors) to experience bullying or harassment, no matter their background, race, ethnicity, gender, physical and intellectual attributes, within the learning and social environments of the school.” But schools do more than just police behaviour. Schools are in the business of education.
The policy goes on to say that “In rejecting bullying and harassment, the school is committed to the development and reinforcement of a culture of positive behaviour, respect and tolerance.” This doesn’t mean incidents don’t happen. We are dealing with children and adolescents who are still growing and developing. They will make mistakes that need to be dealt with compassionately and with regard for all involved. Of course, we don’t just wait until things go wrong. Our pastoral program specifically addresses these and other equally important topics as part of the education and formation of our students. But here is where schools face a significant challenge. Schools can and do deliver excellent education around many social issues, but they cannot compete with the hours of exposure young people have to online ‘education’ (or ‘formation’). Families face the same dilemma. We are not playing on a level playing field. Jordan Baker, Chief Reporter of The Sydney Morning Herald, writes, “Researchers have found that it’s not schools nor workplaces nor the public forum that are most influential in reinforcing or changing these views, but parents and peers – including the peers young people find online.” On the same theme, Our Watch CEO, Patty Kinnersly, notes, “The agitating effect of the online environment is much broader than advertised, and the way it’s shaping ideas about how young men engage with women is absolutely problematic.”
An extreme example of this is Andrew Tate, “who has attracted millions of online followers drawn to his hyper-masculine and over-the-top lifestyle. For some young men and boys, Tate’s view of the world is one to emulate. A new study of women teachers has recently found Tate’s ideology is spreading in Australian classrooms in the form of sexism and sexual harassment. The messages some boys are getting in our disrupted world are dangerous, and we still haven’t worked out how to combat it.”
(Q+A and RN Breakfast host Patricia Karvelas https://www.abc.net.au/news/2024-04-29/violence-against-women-rally-albanese-government-box-seat/103777434). Not all young men are enticed by the Andrew Tate’s of the world, and in fact, many of the students I speak with are openly scathing of him. But that does not stop them being bombarded, willingly or not, by a myriad of unhelpful messages every time they venture online.
One of the trickiest parts of this complex issue is the way we engage our young men in the conversation. I appreciated the perspective of reporter Jess Hill who wrote, “We all have a role to play in ending gendered violence, but those roles and responsibilities are not equal. For example, 14-year-old boys do not have the same responsibility for ending gendered violence as, say, the owners of TikTok or PornHub.” (Jess Hill, https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2024/apr/26/we-wont-stop-violence-against-women-with-conversations-about-respect-this-is-not-working-we-need-to-get-real-ntwnfb). It is encouraging to hear the Australian federal government announcing new policies such as the criminalisation of deep-fake pornography, the testing of online age assurance (or age verification) technology and an ongoing review of Australia’s classification scheme for film and TV. These are steps in the right direction for those who bear a responsibility at that level. At the same time, schools and families can work together to encourage conversation and critical thinking about these issues in young people. Help to equip them to be part of the solution. But most importantly, we need to paint a picture for our young people of what healthy masculinity can look like. This is, I am aware, a contested space but as long as we only focus on the evils of hyper-masculinity or toxic masculinity without also presenting a positive model of masculinity, we will continue to do our young men and women a disservice and at worst, we risk driving more young men towards unhelpful role-models that feed on resentment and insecurity. My 14-year-old son does not need to be told that men are the problem. He needs to see what it looks like when men are part of the solution.
I hesitate to offer a specifically Christian response to this issue, in part because I am acutely aware that the Christian church has its own history of gendered violence that it must address, and in part because a token Bible passage about respect for women might seem trite. I do, however, firmly believe that the Christian story can be a source of hope and has much to offer in this space. I am wary of Christian messaging about masculinity that seems to lean more on the cultural norms of a particular idealised period in history than on a careful reading of scripture, but the Bible does have some very clear things to say about how we should value each other as people. The Reverend Tracy Lauersen, former Rector of Warragul Anglican Church and now the Anglican Church of Australia’s National Program Manager for Families and Culture, points us towards the person of Jesus as a role model for men. “The world needs more men like Jesus.  Against a Roman culture that gave few rights to women and even legalised femicide, Jesus counted women as his friends and disciples, decried the double standard applied to men and women in society and condemned the men who mistreated their wives. Jesus valued women’s work, talents, thoughts, prayers, testimony, witness and support. He honoured them. The world needs more men like Jesus. When we likewise value women in our society and churches, treating them equally, violence will become part of our history rather than of our future.” (https://www.eternitynews.com.au/christian-living/five-things-churches-can-do-to-eliminate-violence-against-women-and-girls/)
Calls for action on increased funding for services that assist vulnerable women; changes to legislation to better protect women at risk and improved policing practices and legal processes in response to victims of domestic violence; are all important. Stronger measures to limit and counter the impact of pornography, toxic online influencers, alcohol and gambling are all critical for long-term change. But what is most important for schools and families are the everyday conversations and interactions that we have with our young people – young men and young women – that condemn violence, demeaning language and controlling behaviours and instead model for them a way of relating to each other that values and honours all people equally, regardless of gender.

Read a prayer for domestic and family violence survivors here.

Reverend Daniel Lowe
Senior Chaplain